I recall being a people-pleaser that wanted everyone in my life and everyone I came into contact with to like me. I craved recognition and approval from others to the point of doing things I despised. I worked at jobs I disliked and later complained about, I stayed in friendships and later complained about them, and I continued to connect with toxic individuals simply to be liked. I knew it was insane to keep doing the same thing and expecting different outcomes, but the empty void inside of myself wanted love. However, after being ridiculed and embarrassed enough times, I became weary of being everyone’s yes girl. The yes girl who was talked about and mistreated by the same individuals who I couldn’t say no to.
After taking off work from a job I despised and accepting disrespect from one of my toxic clients, I told myself that I had every right not to do things I didn’t want to do. I knew it all started with myself and my lack of self-love. In fact, I didn’t even like myself and was searching for people to approve things inside of me that I could only approve. I had to wallow in my own mental and emotional filth and truly think about why I hated myself. Was it my childhood, or how I let others treat me in the past, that made me a people pleaser who was afraid to say no? I understood I needed to do some internal work with myself and show myself grace since I was seeking acceptance from people in a way that was detrimental to my health.
When I first started working on self-love, I understood that I was not responsible for how others felt when I said no. I had to understand that I didn’t have to accept another person’s reality as my own. If someone asks me to do something and I decline, and their feelings are hurt, it means their family has probably pacified them and they are not used to hearing the word no. Which has absolutely nothing to do with me. I am not required to accept the reality of how other people who loved them treated them.
I also had to learn that I didn’t have to explain why I said no. I remember how I used to over-explain when I couldn’t help the other person feel better. This person was mature, and if they were in their thirties like me, I’m sure they’d heard the phrase “no” before, and if they didn’t do well, “welcome to the real world.” Adults are not compelled to do anything they do not want to do, and I had to learn that the hard way, but I’m glad I did because now, whenever someone asks me to do something or pay for something, I instantly say no. with the maximum satisfaction
I also had to learn that a lot of people were demang things for me and not asking me. If someone was upset when I answered no, it was a demand, not a question, which is a red flag. I had to learn that saying no was a form of self-care because if I cared about myself, I would do things that hurt myself regardless of how others felt. I had to learn that I deserved to be happy, but it all started with how I felt about myself, and that saying no was a great way to start building up my self-esteem. Anyone who has difficulty saying no should go deep inside themselves and question if they truly love themselves. If you don’t start working on yourself to improve your self-esteem by seeing a therapist, a life coach, or doing shadow work. Remember that if you truly love yourself, you will not damage yourself. So, here are five reasons why saying no is a form of self care.
When you say no you are teaching people how to treat you -When you say no, you are instructing others how to treat you. If you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re telling the other person that they may treat you as they want. That means, you are underestimating your own worth in order to make someone happy who doesn’t care if you perish. Set limits at school, at work, in your family relationship, or in your friendship. If you are asked to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or if you just do not want to do it, say no and let it be that. Don’t beat yourself up over a million reasons why you should have answered yes. Be the architect of your life and demonstrate to others that you will not allow someone to use you or tossing you kibbles and pieces simply because they believe they can. You deserve the best, therefore avoid doing anything you don’t want to do.
You are giving yourself a peace of mind – By saying no, you will always have peace of mind since you are denying to do anything that takes up your time or puts you in danger. It will undoubtedly make you feel empowered because you will understand that you are the only one in charge of your life. I believe that when individuals say yes to something they don’t want to do, they are handing up control of their lives to the other person. Which will always result in tension and lack of sleep for the yes person. You deserve peace of mind, and by saying no to users and abusers, you will be ensured mental tranquility.
It’s a form of Self Love- When you say no, you are showing yourself unconditional love that you will not put yourself in jeopardy by saying yes or being a people pleaser. The only person you should attempt to please is yourself since that is the only thing that counts at the end of the day. When you love who you are, saying no is easy because you will not feel the need to make someone else happy. By saying no, you are filling your cup so that when the time comes to say yes, you will be able to say yes to the right individuals.
You weed out the real and the Face People– People that truly love, like, or care about you will understand if you say no because they asked you and not because they expect something from you. Always remember that it is not what you say, but how you say it, so you may be direct and honest with someone while delivering the no in a kind manner. If someone gets angry at you after you delivered the rejection in a courteous way, they only intended to use you, and you shouldn’t ignore that red flag and walk away. Saying no will always separate the genuine from the imposters.
It shows you have a mind of your own- Saying no to someone shows that you have a strong mind of your own and are not just going with the flow to avoid a conflict. You have your own thoughts, life, and words, and I believe you should use them. Say no and, if necessary, defend yourself if something is happening that does not align with your good vibe. Don’t be frightened, don’t be regretful, and always do and say what is best for you.
