Some of us are searching for the one person who would complete us and offer us the chemistry and thrill we all aspire for and seek; we all yearn for and need relationships. Some individuals have been conditioned by society to pursue relationships and view them as the be all and end all. Children who witness their parents making their partner their priority grow up basing their entire existence on relationships and questioning their own worth by trying to help a stranger realize their worth when it is more crucial for them to recognize their own. The unsettling aspect of modern relationships is that they are no longer centered on love but rather on what one person can do for another and how quickly they can do it. Personally, I believe that we as a society need to mainstream relationships as connections where folks who are on a healing path are searching for someone to help them achieve their goals of happiness, serenity, and a beautiful life rather than looking for someone to do those things for them. It’s not always the perpetrators’ fault because they can only do what they know, but it is their responsibility to recognize when they are acting toxically by expecting another person to improve their lives when it is their responsibility. Some people have become too accustomed to looking for people to use so that their problems can call home and cause trouble. Thus, here are some strategies that some individuals might use to view relationships as a means of connection rather than a place to vent their problems.
Take ownership of your issues.
Many people have experienced traumatizing situations in life, such as dealing with various forms of abuse, that are unimaginable for a person to go through. Many times, the qualities we wanted from our love partners but didn’t get from our parents or other caretakers ended up becoming our downfall since they placed too much responsibility on one person. I think some individuals need to take accountability for their own past and present problems and work on them rather than passing them on to someone else as if it were a gift of tragedy in order to attract a wonderful relationship with a beautiful person. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and heal, whether that involves going to therapy, attending church, or writing in a journal. However you choose to do it, acknowledge that your problems are your problems and that no one else needs to put up with anything you are going through because only you can heal yourself, not a stranger you are hoping to find love with.
Begin a relationship when you are independent and not dependent.
People frequently want a relationship in order to have a place to live, money in their pockets, or someone to save them after their parents have ignored them. When someone enters a relationship as a dependent, they are depriving the relationship of the chance to flourish because the independent person is too preoccupied trying to care for their partner like a child, leading them to believe that the dependent person is only with them because of what they can do for them. When both partners join a relationship as independent individuals, the connection is more complete and both partners may concentrate on developing a beautiful love together rather than waiting for the dependent partner to mature into an adult. When two responsible people can start a relationship with their own financial goals, jobs, cars, apartments, and other possessions, it is a great thing since it will help them succeed financially.
Tell Yourself that You Love You.
The person they need to express they love the most is the one who is looking back at them in the mirror. Yet so often, individuals are frantic to tell a stranger they are attracted to that they love them. Some people define love in accordance with their background, which may not be advantageous if their upbringing was difficult. I believe that it’s critical for people to love themselves without conditions before getting into a committed relationship. By doing this, they will be able to tell their future partner exactly how they want to be treated rather than assuming or putting themselves through needless conflict. When you offer yourself daily self-love, you’ll be able to set boundaries and recognize warning signs rather than ignoring them so that someone may say hollow words that will temporarily make you feel better. Since you carry love and worthiness close to your heart, you won’t be as eager to pursue something that is already within you.
Stop Entering Relationships with issues.
Whether the problems stem from a person’s youth, adolescence, or maturity, in my opinion, they should remain single until they are resolved because, if they don’t, they are being selfish by assuming that someone else wants to save them. In actuality, nobody is accountable for anybody, and nobody has to put up with another adult’s problem that will only strain the relationship. Indeed, having a friend or other people by your side is crucial while you are going through a difficult time. But it’s sick to start a relationship with someone and throw all your problems on them in the hopes that they would remain around and prove your love for you. Remain single; it’s not the end of the world to be single. Instead of thinking someone else would figure things out for you, work on yourself until you have learned how to cope with your challenges in a healthy way. No one is compelled to remain and take care of problems that are not their responsibility,
and nobody is coming to save you.
See a person in all there seasons
We sometimes skip over the most crucial aspects of dating because we are so anxious to get started with someone. As two individuals date, they may get to know one another and observe the other person through all of their phases. It’s crucial to see someone over all three seasons because you may learn how they respond to a variety of situations, which will give you a good idea of how they will behave around you in the event that something bad happens. It’s advisable to at least date someone for six to twelve months so you can observe their behavior and how they respond in joyful, furious, sad, broken, wounded, and disrespectful situations. This will allow you to ascertain if they manage their trauma in a way that won’t lead to an outburst or whether they will hold you responsible for everything when they are having a terrible day.
Stop Trying to fight peoples Demons for them
It is not your responsibility to cope with someone’s insecurity, poor self-esteem, self-hatred, mental illness, brokenness, sadness, or anything else that alters your energy when you are with them. Quit attempting to fight other people’s demons for them. When it comes to demons, the only one you are accountable for is your own. When someone goes out of their way to think they are saving people by acting as their punching bag or promising to help them out of a situation, they are actually telling the other person that the relationship they are developing is a place where they could lay all of their burdens, which will ultimately result in nothing but a damaging job for the victim. Recognize that while you may be a helpful person for someone, it is not your place or job to deal with their demons. Never be hesitant to tell someone this or to distance yourself from them.
Set boundaries in your Romantic life.
Love yourself enough to create boundaries before you start a relationship because boundaries show what you will and won’t put up with. Limits will work as your shield against any circumstance that can compromise your health or happiness. Boundaries can be used to prevent you from entering a relationship that will end in hell and to prevent you from taking crap from someone you are mitten with. This is because many times when we are attracted to someone, it can prevent us from recognizing the warning signs and establishing the necessary boundaries to protect from suffering.
In conclusion, I want people to understand that relationships may be wonderful connections if many individuals take the time to be single and do the inner work so they can heal and draw like-minded people to spend their lives with. And avoid viewing relationships as a place where damaged individuals go to receive the parenting they did not have from their parents or mistreat the victim as a result of experiences they have had. People will be able to enter a relationship that is lovely, wealthy, and most importantly safe if they learn to love themselves unconditionally and more. This will help them stop viewing relationships as the sole problem in their lives.