Have you ever felt as though you needed the approval of someone, whether it be a member of your family, an outsider, a coworker, or etc. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone or a group and had your own ideas or opinions up until someone else disagreed with them, at which point you abruptly changed your mind? Have you ever let someone step over your boundaries because you didn’t want them to get irritated at you? Now, if the bulk of these questions were answered affirmatively, you may be engaging in approval-seeking behavior. When someone finds it difficult to decide without soliciting input from others, that is when the problem arises. Due to the fact that you are essentially basing your life decisions on the opinions of others, this may be a very hazardous situation to be in. You base whether you’ll have a good or poor day on how other people feel or what they say to you. If you exhibit this type of conduct, you are mentally entrapped in the viewpoints of other people, which means you can be stuck at a job you don’t want to work at but stay because you would be insane to resign because others tell you it’s a wonderful job. Or perhaps you’re stuck in a relationship you’ve outgrown but other people tell you it would be crazy to end it because you been with that person for so many years, so you choose to continue living in misery. Or perhaps you are aware that there is a person or group who doesn’t like you, yet you go out of your way to win their acceptance, no matter how ridiculous you look. This is not a healthy way to live the life you were given since, in the end, all that matters is what you think about it. The only happiness you need to seek is internal; you shouldn’t have to go out of your way to make someone else happy. So let me share some advice with you on how to attempt to stop acting in an approval-seeking manner.
Do not change your mind at the slightest indication of disapproval.
If you are certain about anything, don’t let other people’s opinions force you to change your mind. If you continue to let yourself be easily convinced to agree to things that don’t suit who you are or where you are going, it won’t stop. Avoid running from controversy and speak out for what you believe to be right. When people often alter their ideas dependent on the judgments of others, it may be a sign of low self-esteem and a lack of feeling sufficiently worthy. Therefore, make sure you are getting better every day by telling yourself kind things and letting go of the pain from the past. But if you continue to follow the lead of the insecure individual, it will just make you despise yourself more.
Practice saying no.
Learn the benefits of saying “NO” to avoid overextending oneself. The best advice I can provide when learning to say “no” is to stop worrying about how the other person will react and start worrying about how it will make you feel instead. When it comes to having to invest time and effort in anything, your feelings are the only thing that count. When you say “no” to someone’s question, remember that it was probably more of a demand than a question, so dent feel like you owe anyone an explanation. Furthermore, stay away from demanding people since they think the world revolves around them.
Avoid making unfulfilled promises.
If you want to do something, that is OK, and if you don’t feel like participating in an activity or getting close to someone, that is also acceptable. You don’t owe anybody anything, therefore if you find yourself going above and beyond for others in order to get their favor, you are choosing the wrong friends who will only cause you unhappiness. So, stop making unfilled promises to people just because you feel unfulfilled inside love yourself more and stop taking tall orders for manipulative people.
Be yourself and stop acting like someone else.
Stop trying to please irrelevant people by altering who you are. No matter what anyone else may say, remain loyal to who you are and live a happy life. Don’t pursue a career or a relationship just to gain a positive response because you want to be seen as clever when you already feel brilliant. Don’t pretend to be an expert on a subject only to impress someone; in the end, you will just come across as foolish, which will make you sad. Don’t act like you’re an extrovert just so someone may like you if you’re an introvert who prefers to keep to oneself, since ultimately, as long as you’re happy with yourself, that’s all that matters.
Heal from childhood trauma.
Most of the time, when we seek approval from others in our adult years, it’s because we learned that in order to meet our needs as children, we need to make our caregivers—our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles—happy. As a result, they had succeeded as adults in making other people happy by accomplishing particular tasks. They put other people’s demands ahead of their own since they don’t want to offend anyone. I would strongly advise anyone who has gone through this sort of trauma to get therapy so they can work on their need to be liked. This will enable them to live a life where their main priority is to make themselves happy, not the happiness of anyone else they are dating or working with.
The approval seeking because is something I want you to get over. I am aware of how stressful it is and how it affects your emotional and mental wellbeing. Today, I want you to start living your life based on your own approval rather than on the favor of others. Adopt these suggestions and use them in your daily life. You should also intentionally work on yourself while loving yourself because, trust me, the only approval you should ever seek is your own.
